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Kids & Family

Teens Who Are on Track Start with Parents Who Have Their Backs

What are you doing in your house, with your child, that involves leadership and community service?

The role of a parent is comparable to that of a boxer’s corner man.

Before every fight, the corner man coats his boxer’s face in Vaseline to reduce friction when his opponent's gloves make contact.

Even more important – throughout the entire fight – the corner man advises and protects his boxer.

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Jeff Wenzler, founder of Pivotal Directions Inc. and a Wauwatosa resident, presented this idea and many others Monday evening to 40 parents at the in a lecture titled, “Choose Your Own Battles.”

Pivotal Directions has worked for many years with teens, engaging students in service-learning processes to develop leadership qualities and build personal character

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Tosa United – a Wauwatosa School District and community-based group that helps parents and students respond to the challenges of alcohol, tobacco and other drugs – organized the lecture.

The group holds meetings through out the year, all of which are aimed at heightening the level of discussion and learning that revolves around parenting and the tough decisions teens face.

“I’ve only lectured in front of parents a handful of times because I’m so focused on the teens," Wenzler said, "so I am very fortunate that Tosa United invited me to come speak."

Wenzler said the best thing a parent can do to prepare his or her child for the future ahead is to be available, set great expectations, remember that society has no filter, and practice "servant-leadership" as a family. 

“It’s almost like throwing your kids into the ring and saying, here’s some Vaseline – in a weird sense,” Wenzler said. “Kids are going to make kid decisions, and it’s not the end of the world – but more so, how you lessen the blow.”

Be in your kids' corner

Kids really do want to hear from Mom and Dad, so the best thing a parent can do is be available for their children, Wenzler said.

“Today, family meals are diminishing and fewer families are breaking bread together,” Wenzler said.

The dinner table is the perfect place to have the “talk” to get teens to start thinking about their lives, their decisions and the opportunities they have.

“Eating together is so crucial, and we’re losing this time as a family to school, extra-curricular activities, work, friends, computers and phones,” said Wenzler. “Carve time while carving the turkey.”

See what they see, hear what they hear

Along with availability, parents must remember that society does not filter what kids are exposed to, so in order to fully understand what children are experiencing they must watch and listen with them.

For example, he said, Hubba Wheels, a brand of skateboard wheels specifically marketed to boys 12 to 18 years old, advertises its product by incorporating sex, drug use and offensive language.

“Skateboarding is the coolest thing in the world for most teen boys, and by showing them these advertisements, we're giving a great sport such a terrible image,” Wenzler said.

Give kids an important role, then let them grow

Parents must set great expectations and make time for strategic planning and goal setting with their children, Wenzler said. The No. 1 thing that elite colleges look for when accepting undergraduates, he said, is proof that your child is dedicated to things outside of their lives.

Wenzler said that to set great expectations, it’s very important that parents and their children learn about servant-leadership together.

“Teens need to start thinking about their lives in a bigger context… poor decisions that are not leader-like are great tools to better oneself, learn and grow,” Wenzler said.

“Leaders follow through. If you think your friend or family member is going through tough times or struggling with addiction, don’t fold it up and shrug it off, follow through and do something about it,” Wenzler said.

A parent of teens sees the prospects

Marissa Praichek, a Wauwatosa resident and mother of two teens, said she hasn’t attended a Tosa United event like this for two years now, and she’s glad to be back.

“Hearing Jeff Wenzler speak was very beneficial because, as my daughters get older, I’m finding it harder to reach out to them and discuss important topics such as sex, drugs, alcohol, and most importantly, preparing for high school and college,” Praicheck said.

For a current listing of scheduled meetings, the meeting structure, ways to reach out to somebody in need or ways to get your children involved visit: www.pivotaldirections.org.

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