Police Draw the Line at Touching Elm Grove Man's Lap Towel

After officer interrupts driver's ardent and all-too-public auto-erotic episode with a phone-in partner, car is towed away as a biohazard.


Warning: This is icky.

At 1:11 p.m. Tuesday, a 58-year-old Elm Grove man was arrested in Wauwatosa for lewd and lascivious behavior after police were called to Mians Mobil gas station at 717 N. Mayfair Rd.

The report, from the manager of the station, was that the man had been sitting in his car at the pay phone for 40 minutes, masturbating in full view of patrons and employees.

A patrol officer pulled in behind the man’s car, walked up to his driver’s window unnoticed, and saw that the man had a towel spread in his lap and was grasping his exposed penis, the police report said.

The man quickly tried to cover himself and denied having done anything wrong – the towel was to keep him dry while he had his window open during the rain, he said – but the officer informed him that he had already seen what he was doing.

The man then admitted that he was using the pay phone to call a sex line because his wife checks his cell phone for lewd calls.

The gas station manager asked officers to move the man’s car because it was blocking a delivery truck, but finding the towel still spread on the driver’s seat, it was decided that “no officer would be moving the vehicle” because of a potential biohazard.

The suspect was arrested, ticketed and released.

His car was towed.

The gas station manager did not say why he waited 40 minutes to call police.

JW November 05, 2012 at 12:29 PM
What a wack job... HARD to believe anyone would do that in public... surprised he didnt see the officer coming (SP) instead of the other way around. It takes balls to do that. E.D. no phoned home. Your turn...
Jon Heil November 05, 2012 at 03:32 PM
HA! Maybe he is the one who we all get the lame political calls. They must think they called a brothel when they'd call me I'd make noises. Sick of them wasting time and got to love how AT&T sells out your phone number.
Absolutelyfabulous November 05, 2012 at 05:03 PM
Do what the drug dealers do..Head on over to Walmart w/ some cash in hand and buy a $15 throwaway pre-paid disposable phone and stock up on minutes. A little forethought and creativity could have saved you a lot of hassle and probably your marriage. Though, that doesn't sound like it was in too good of shape to begin with.
robert heule November 05, 2012 at 09:46 PM
Maybe he dozed with a problem and woke up with a solution in hand
Lynn Vander Meer November 05, 2012 at 10:57 PM
You're missing the point. He found an operational payphone and sat on it for over 40minutes. a payphone! When is the last time you saw one of those?
JW November 05, 2012 at 11:25 PM
I did fail to properly take note of the operational payphone aspect of this "touching" story... ; ) You are right, that is quite odd. It is almost like the station was masterfully baiting this type of activity. All in all, it was a sticky situation, but since he was prepared enough to have a towel on hand (so to speak) perhaps he should have gotten off with a warning (such as, "you'll go blind... get hairy palms, etc"). At least this handyman didn't have relations with a couch. What is our society coming to? Pretty soon a married guy will have no other option than to have relations with his own wife! ; )
robert heule November 06, 2012 at 01:18 AM
Bill Clinton fired an appointee (don't remember her position) for saying that masturbation should be taught in schools to prevent STDs and unwanted pregnancies. Did he fire her because it need not be taught?
robert heule November 06, 2012 at 01:23 AM
I hear that this guy once worked for a fishing tackle manufacturer. He started out as an apprentice baiter, then he became a journeyman baiter and finally became a master baiter.
Absolutelyfabulous November 06, 2012 at 01:56 AM
Another good reason to have some Purell in the glove compartment/purse. Thank god for the Purell wipes at the grocery stores to wipe off the handles of the carts.
Marie November 09, 2012 at 04:51 PM
You are all sick! What he did was a sin. Read your BIBLE! It's not a joking matter. If kids read your comments you just gave them ideas! That's not right. He should have been reported to the police immediately and the authorities ordered that the phone be antiseptically cleaned. NO JOKE!
JW November 09, 2012 at 05:03 PM
I dont read fiction. The guy in this story might be a deviant... or he might not be... he might just be kinda lonely or depressed or what not. I am not saying what he did was right, or good. But... most things in life can be joked about. If kids learn to have a sense of humor, that will suit them well in life. I believe having a sense of humor was in the second set of commandments that Moses dropped.
Michael McClusky January 16, 2013 at 07:45 PM
Maybe we should ban all pay phones. Clearly their very existence only encourages such deviant behaviour!


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