Wauwatosa Voters Write in the Funniest Things

Can you imagine movie character Ned Schneebly for Wisconsin governor? How about television satirist Stephen Colbert for lieutenant governor? Some Wauwatosa voters thought they would be preferable to the choices.

Schneebly is the passive, by-the-books friend in Jack Black’s movie, School of Rock. Colbert, of course, is the television host and satirist. In 2008, he jokingly announced he was running for president on both tickets, so why not for Wisconsin governor?

Patch reviewed the write-in votes cast in Wauwatosa for the June 5 gubernatorial recall election. Carla Ledesma, city clerk, at the request of Patch, provided 17 write-in candidates for governor and 32 for lieutenant governor. Official returns listed a few additional write-ins.

Some voters used the write-in space to utter statements of discontent. Receiving votes for governor were a series of non-candidates:

• “I will not kiss your (expletive) (illegible)”
• “Blank for That”
• “Anybody Else”
• “Recalls Divide”
• “Neither”
• “Policy Decisions Don’t Warrant a Recall.”

Similarly, for lieutenant governor, one voter wrote, “There is some (expletive) I will not eat.” Well, so much for friendliness. Someone else wrote in “N/A.” Not sure what that is supposed to mean, either. But someone thought it wasn’t applicable. And yet another voter wrote only, “No Name.”

Um, OK.

Some voters did more work than they had to. They wrote in Democratic candidateTom Barrett, who didn't need the extra listing.

And some voters wrote in “Mahlon Mit” and “Mahon Mitchell” for lieutenant governor. Actually, it’s spelled Mahlon Mitchell, and he was already on the ballot too. Mahlon Mitchell also received a write-in vote for governor. (maybe he lives in Tosa. Just kidding.)

Some people wrote in primary candidates who didn't make it to the general election, such as Art Kohl-Riggs for governor. Yes, there was actually a guy named in the primary. His website shows him in Lincolnesque dress, calls him the "Real Republican" and notes, "Art for Gov: Not currently the subject of an ongoing John Doe investigation." His website thanks the 19,920 Wisconsinites who voted for him in the primary, too. Sort of sounds like a Colbert skit.

Some voters turned to their political dream teams. Someone wrote in Bill Clinton for governor, and Jesse Ventura for lieutenant governor. Come to think of it, that would be pretty cool. Also cool: pop singer Katy Perry, Jersey Shore’s Pauly D, or rapper Wiz Khalifa for lieutenant governor. Well, I suppose cool is in the eye of the beholder.

Milwaukee County Circuit Judge Jane V. Carroll, who lives in Wauwatosa, received a vote for lieutenant governor.

Other people probably just wrote in their friends or, who knows, their enemies.  Or maybe themselves. Or their mothers. Or boyfriends. Or something. A bunch of people who probably almost no one has ever heard of made the list.  The theory that people wrote in themselves doesn’t hold water in all cases, though, because online record searches show a number of these people do exist but live in other cities. Some woman named Michele Hulgamed got a vote for BOTH governor and lieutenant governor.

The full lists of Wauwatosa write-in votes as provided by the city clerk:

Governor: Alexis Kobin, Art Kohl Riggs, “I will not kiss your (expletive) (illegible)”, Tom Woodworth, Blank For That, Alpen Smithee, Ned Schneebly, Tom Barrett, Bill Clinton, Michele Hulgamed, Anybody Else, Recalls Divide, Policy Decisions Don’t Warrant a Recall, Mahlon Mitchell, Hans Hilderbrand, Steven Zelinski, Neither.

Lt. Governor:  Douglas LaFollette, William Jefferson, Logan Newmann, Sam Curro, Doris Krause, Preston Lacy, Shannon Russell, Jesse Stingl, “There is some (expletive) I will not eat”, Alex Senger, Pauly D., Jonathan White, Luke Bona, Dewey Finn, Mahlon Mit, John Smith, Michele Hulgamed, Jerad Proteskey, N/A, Wiz Khalifa, Jack Pesch, Paul Fishback, No Name, Jane V. Carroll, Stephen Colbert, Paul Scoptur, Mahon Mitchell, Jesse Ventura, Larry Bunzel, John Phillips, Eric Haegele, Katy Perry.